worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
