toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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