I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
