So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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