Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
