I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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