At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
