I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
try to milk me bitch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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