So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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