I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
