I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
