i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
