did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
