p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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