At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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