I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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