That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
