how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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