Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
