Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
