my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
