He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
