Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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