well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
