i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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