I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
