I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
