just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
