If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
