so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
