It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
