Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
