Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
