Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
