mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
pop tarts are not kleenex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
