i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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