i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
