Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
