The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
