I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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