at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
