in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize