even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
