what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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