I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
