It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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