girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
