It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.