I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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