the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine