you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"