no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.