What did we do last night that was yellow?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...