You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
