piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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