I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
