you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
