I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
