I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
