i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize