party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
