Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
