Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
