No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
