Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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