some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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