You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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