We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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