My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
