I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
