i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
