i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
vagina is talking i cant
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
