Already got asked if we're dating
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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