a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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