Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
