Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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