I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
